[00:00:00] You.
[00:00:04] Hello and welcome to the reversing diabetes with Delaine M. D podcast. This is episode number 1208. If you are new to the podcast, I'm Delane Vaughn. I'm a board certified family practice doctor, a former emergency room nurse, a veteran healthcare provider, and the host of this podcast. This podcast is for women who are not ready to go of their vitality, their longevity and their vigor. It's for women that know that life is a gift and we're not ready to start the downward spiral of disease.
[00:00:34] This podcast is for the women who do badass things and hard things and master amazing things in so many other areas of their life, but they can't seem to master chocolate cake. If that's you, let's talk. Today we are going to talk about the one thing that you must stop doing in order to fix your type two diabetes. Good news for you, I'm not talking about bread at all today. I know it's noisy in my house. My kids are home, it's summer break, and I'm hoping they're not doing too much on the Internet because sometimes that makes the recording sketchy. But we'll do the best we can. But if you hear noises and dogs and all sorts of other things, it's because my house is full of people. So before we jump into the topic today, I do want to remind everybody, if you are on medications, please be careful as you start to make the dietary changes that I recommend in this podcast. You have been medicated for the previous way that you've eaten, for the way that you've eaten in the past. And if you start to change the way that you eat, you're going to need different medications, at least where your diabetes medications are concerned. So you need to get a clear line of communication open with your medical provider so that you can have clear conversations with them about where your blood sugars are, and they can communicate with you clearly and timely about how to come off of those medications. Okay? So if you start to make these dietary changes, you really need to have a very frank conversation with your medical provider to let them know that you're doing this and ask them how they want you to communicate with them about what's happening with your health. If not, you can get very sick, the kind of sick that involves hospitalizations, the kind of sick that can involve death. So be very careful about this as you're making these changes. Make sure you have a medical provider that's guiding you. Certainly this is what I help my clients with. I never take over their medical care, but I definitely tell them it's time for you to call your doctor and let them know what's going on. So before we get started, also, I want to remind everybody, if you're enjoying this podcast, if you're finding this podcast helpful, if you're getting help from this podcast, rate and review this podcast on your podcast player. The more that people do that, the more frequently the podcast gets put in front of other people that haven't seen it before and they can get the same help that you're getting. So if you're finding this helpful, please rate and review the podcast. Also, follow me on social media delanemd on Instagram and Facebook today we did a webinar. I did a webinar. There are many women came and we had a long conversation about meal planning and how to do that and the strategy that I teach for that. Those events that I do are typically announced and marketed, or at least I don't know marketed is the right word. I just talk about them in that social media and I make sure that people know there. That's where I really publicize that. I also talk about it in the podcast, so you may pick it up in the podcast. But if you want timely information about the events that I'm doing, follow me on social media delanemd, both on Instagram and Facebook. Also, you can join the Delanemd Reversing Diabetes group. It's a very fun group. There's many amazing people in there, lots of support. Great place for you to ask questions. In fact, next week I will be doing an hour coaching event in that group. So go ahead and join that group and Facebook and I'll get you in there and you can get that information. Lastly, I want to remind everybody that I am offering a diabetes reversal assessment call. If you're a woman with type two diabetes and you're worried and frustrated and confused about why you can't fix it, there's help. These assessment calls are 45 minutes Zoom calls where we can discuss your specific obstacles for reversing your type two diabetes. At the end of that call, you're going to know your biggest obstacles and why you haven't been able to overcome them. And if you're interested, you can find out more about what it looks like for us to work together and my group program where you receive group help as well as one on one coaching support to help you reverse your type two diabetes. You can schedule those yourself. You can email me at delaney at delanemd. You can always email me there, but you can schedule those yourself at www.calendly.com delanemd. So calendly is calendly. Calendly like calendar but with an l y instead of an ar. Okay. Ww dot calendly.com delanemd. All right, so today we are going to talk about the one thing that you must stop doing if you are interested in getting help. I'm sorry. If you're interested in getting healthy, if you intend to get healthy, this is the one thing that you need to stop doing. You must stop placating yourself.
[00:05:07] Over the years, I have coached many and many women who has told me that it's okay, it's fine. What I did wasn't that bad. It's not going to be a problem.
[00:05:17] I don't just see this with stories that we have about food. I do also see this with feelings that we have even towards other people in our life. Like, I was fine. I wasn't angry. Well, if you weren't angry, you wouldn't have to be telling me that you're not angry, right? If it was fine and okay, you wouldn't have to be telling me that it was fine and okay. Okay. Over the years, I tried to think of the word, the feeling word that comes from these stories, these thoughts that we have in our brain when we tell ourselves things like, it's okay. And again, it thinks, it's okay, it's fine. It wasn't that bad. This won't be a problem. Right? So the thought model for this looks like a circumstance of a cupcake, right? I ate a cupcake. And the thought is it's fine. Or even there is a cupcake in the moment, right? There's a cupcake. The thought is, it's fine if I eat it. The feeling. I've always been confused. And we're going to talk about that feeling today. Your action is to eat it from that feeling. And of course, your result is your blood sugars go up. And that's not fine. Right? It's what we call a thought error, telling ourselves, I'll eat the cupcake, it's fine. That's a thought error. And we know that because the result is actually the opposite of the thing we were telling ourselves. It's not fine. Your blood sugars go up. In the past, I've used the word bamboozled to describe that feeling when you tell yourself something that you know isn't true. Okay? And I've always thought of the word bamboozled. If you remember, if you've ever seen the movie of the Polar Express. And if you haven't seen the movie the Polar Express, I highly recommend you do. It's a lovely movie. I was lucky enough to see it way back in the day with my eldest boy, who was very young at the time and thought it was so super cool. And we watched it on the big screen and it was just a wonderful movie. But if you remember the scene where the main character, Chris, is the little boy's name, when Chris is on the roof of the train, he's trying to take the ticket to his friend, who's gotten taken away by the conductor because they didn't have a ticket, right? And he runs into the old hobo, and the hobo asks him. They're talking, and he asks him, what do you think about the big guy? Do you believe in Santa Claus? In this kind of prodding way? He asks this question to the little boy, and the little boy takes a minute to think about what the hobo's asked of him. And as he's contemplating, the hobo loudly accuses him of not believing in Santa because he doesn't want to be bamboozled. And he goes on to say, you don't want to be led down a primrose path. You don't want to be conned or duped or railroaded, right? So this idea of bamboozling is when we're telling ourselves something that we know wasn't true. Right. Chris had this skepticism, this distrust, this disbelief, this question about whether it's true that Santa exists. And even though he wanted to believe it, even though he kind of had this thought that maybe it wasn't true, he didn't want to be bamboozled.
[00:08:00] When we bamboozle ourselves, we're telling ourselves the cupcake is okay, despite knowing the outcome. It's the pursuit of a pleasure. Even when we know and see that the outcome is going to be unwanted. Okay. It means bamboozled means being fooled or tricked in the moment, right? This is always the way. I've seen this experience of telling ourselves that it's fine. It's fine to eat the cupcake, it's fine to have one more piece of candy. This one bite won't matter. This won't be a problem. There's a lack of belief even as we're telling ourselves the story, because we're pursuing this desire, even when we know it's an unwanted outcome.
[00:08:38] The phrase that I've come up for this situation, when we're telling ourselves it's fine, the phrase that I call it, I've come to or at least over the years of thinking it instead of using bamboozled is really a placation. It's a self placation. The definition, one of the many definitions you can find about placation. But the one that I'm using here is to overcome a distrust or an animosity. In psychology, they talk about the idea of placation within relationships, and they liken it to people pleasing. And these stories of it's okay or it's fine or it wasn't that bad, or a little is okay. They're self placating and they're self people pleasing. Remember, when you think about people pleasers, people pleasers are happy or okay with sacrificing their personal interests and needs for somebody else's interests and need in order to avoid a conflict. That's really what's happening. It's not that they are so altruistic that they're willing to set aside what they want for somebody else. They are setting it aside because they don't want the conflict that will raise. That's what people pleasing is. And this does a couple of things in relationships that are really detrimental to the relationship.
[00:09:58] One, it leads to resentment from the people pleaser, the person who's doing the people pleasing, as they're constantly sacrificing their wants. When they tell their partner that going to the italian restaurant is fine, it's whatever you want, then they're resentful because they don't want to eat italian food all the time, they become angry. They become resentful. This erodes a relationship.
[00:10:22] The second issue that makes it detrimental to a relationship is it's a form of dishonesty.
[00:10:27] When a people pleaser is constantly telling their partner that they like whatever it is, blank. Fill in the blank. Running suvs, seafood, or the color purple. When what they really like is yoga or electric cars or steak or the color green, they are misrepresenting who they are. It's dishonest. They're selling their partner something that's not them.
[00:10:53] And of course, you cannot build a relationship that's based on mutuality or trust when you're never allowing your partner to truly see who you are and what your needs and likes are. When we do this in a relationship with ourself, it doesn't allow us to look at the conflict. Right? Like in a relationship with somebody else. If liking seafood was like a game changer, that was going to be a deal breaker in a relationship.
[00:11:22] Letting somebody else think that you don't like seafood, it's not allowing that conflict to be resolved is what it comes down to. When we tell ourselves the same thing we're not, when we tell ourselves it's okay that we've done this thing that we really wish we hadn't done, we cannot resolve that conflict. We can't resolve the conflict between the behaviors we want to, or we are engaging in the eating of the cupcake with the outcomes that we want, which is normal blood sugars. So when we self placate or self people, please, we just eat the cupcake and tell ourselves it's fine if we stop doing this, when we stop doing this, when we stop telling ourselves it's fine to have the cupcake or the piece of candy or just one more, or stop telling ourselves that it won't be a problem, that gives us the opportunity to start to figure out how to build that solid relationship with ourselves, how to start building the relationship with ourselves that acknowledges and starts to accommodate for the health that we want to create in our life. Right? Those accommodations look like when I need to relax, we recognize I don't need a cupcake. I need to sit down and have a moment of rest.
[00:12:46] It might look like when I'm tired, I don't need more candy. I need to accommodate by going to bed earlier.
[00:12:54] When it means that when we're thinking about being frustrated with something or bored with something, we need to deal with frustration and boredom. We do not need to feed it. This means being entirely honest with ourselves.
[00:13:13] That one more bite is not okay, that candy is not okay. That the cupcake is not okay means stopping telling ourselves that it's okay.
[00:13:23] It means that eating the food is a problem. And then we have to look at that honestly for ourselves.
[00:13:30] And you know that it's a problem because you've eaten it before and watched what it did to your blood sugars. You already know that's an issue. There's not a question about what happens.
[00:13:40] The confusion is in the dishonesty of telling yourself it's okay.
[00:13:46] If we're going to have the kind of relationship with ourselves where we have our own back and we can trust ourselves to eat food that doesn't make ourselves sick. To eat food in a way that doesn't make ourselves sick. We have to start telling ourselves the truth about the food that we're eating. We have to stop bamboozling ourselves. We have to stop self placating.
[00:14:06] We have to stop eating the foods that make ourselves sick while we tell ourselves it won't be a problem.
[00:14:12] It's dishonest, it's self placating. It's self people pleasing, and it keeps us sick. Okay. So if this is where you have been struggling, this is what coaching helps you do. Set up that reverse your diabetes assessment call. It's a 45 minutes call. It's on Zoom. Easy peasy. Anywhere in the country, anywhere outside of the country, you can set this up. You can find a link again at delanemd. You can find a link to it on my
[email protected]. Or you can email me at
[email protected]. If you have any questions about that, don't hesitate to email that email address. I will answer anything. I hope this was helpful, and I will be back next week. Bye.
