EP:226 Coaching Call with Megali

[00:00:00] Speaker A: You are listening to episode number 226 of the Reversing Diabetes with Delane MD podcast. Welcome to Reversing Diabetes with Delane MD, where women who are confused and worried about their type two diabetes come to learn strategies to fix it. I'm your host, Dr. Delane Bond. Ladies, if you know you are capable of doing badass things at work and for your family, but you're frustrated with why you can't seem to stop eating the chocolate cake, this this podcast is for you. Let's talk. Hey there. So, for today, the podcast is a coaching call with Magali. I think that this is a very timely coaching call because it talks about the nostalgia and the missing of loved ones. And with the holiday season here, I think that's entirely appropriate. So I hope you enjoy this coaching call. Before we jump in and get started, I do want to give a warning. Remember, if you are medicated for your type two diabetes and you make the dietary changes that I recommend in this podcast, you can get very sick. You have been medicated because of how you've eaten in the past. If you change the way you eat, you will also need to change your medications. If you don't do that, you can get very sick, the kind of sick that involves going to the hospital, being admitted, emergency room visits, and possibly even death. So please take this very seriously. You will need to contact your primary care provider or the prescribing provider that has given you these medications and set up a line of communication with them. Find out how they want to hear about your blood sugar changes so that they can give you clear information about how they want you to change your medications in order to keep you safe. And lastly, remember, there is extra help. There is more help for you. To reverse your type two diabetes, set up a reverseyourdiabetes assessment call at my calendly link that's WW dot calendly.com. Delanemd, you can set up a reverseyourdiabetes assessment call there. You get access to my calendar there. You can just set it up yourself. These are 45 minutes calls where you and I get on a zoom call and clarify what your biggest obstacles are and why you haven't been able to overcome them. This gives you tons of clarity about what you need to be doing to get the results with your health that you've been looking for. So make sure you set that call up. All right, let's talk with Magali. [00:02:25] Speaker B: Well, I want to welcome Magali to the call. I'm so grateful that you agreed to do this, and so welcome to the podcast. [00:02:33] Speaker C: Thank you. I'm excited to be here. [00:02:36] Speaker B: I love it. All right, well, we're excited to have you. So what do you want to coach on? [00:02:42] Speaker C: Well, I would like to, like you always say, get a grip on the chocolate cake issue. Yeah, that's the issue. I was recently diagnosed technically as pre diabetic because my hemoglobin, a one C went up, I think to 5.4 or seven just over the I forget what the marker is. And that is actually my biggest fear come true because I have a family history of diabetes. I am in healthcare. I have worked with podiatrists and have seen a number of amputations, and that is my worst fear come true. Kids have family members. My mom had it. Everybody has it. I know it's an epidemic being in healthcare. I know that that's one of the top diagnoses in the United States, and that alone causes everything else. I feel like it's a domino effect. Then you're going to go into kidney. So because I am in the medical field, I know just enough to be terrified. And I recently kind of lost I've always been kind of health conscious and tried my best with food, but lately I have not been able to grasp something that keeps me on track. Part of it is I just lost my mother last month from a heart attack, but she was 98, so it was expected. And I've been doing intermittent fasting for two years now, have not lost any weight, but resolved all my stomach issues. [00:04:33] Speaker B: Nice. [00:04:34] Speaker C: Okay, so that was there are flood alerts in New York City. [00:04:42] Speaker B: Oh, how funny is that? [00:04:44] Speaker C: Yeah, terrible flood alerts. But anyway, I'm sorry. So I'm at a cross point where I need to get a hold of this. I'm going to be 65 this month in October. [00:05:00] Speaker B: You look great. I was wondering how your mom had a 98 and delivered you, because clearly 98. [00:05:08] Speaker C: Yeah. And she was active right up to about a year before she died. [00:05:13] Speaker B: Well, you look great, SIS. So fair enough. Okay. [00:05:16] Speaker C: The brain is shot. So that's a whole other story example. [00:05:21] Speaker B: Of, like, the last time. So you're doing intermittent fasting, and you're seeing some results, at least with how you feel. Give me an example of when you're doing intermittent fasting but the chocolate cake comes up or whatever the food is. Can you give me a specific example? Last Tuesday, this was going on, and I knew that I shouldn't have the cake, and I did. [00:05:44] Speaker C: All right, so last week well, this week, yeah, I went to eat. I hadn't didn't I know that there's a controversy about well, at least if you follow Jen Stevens, clean fast as opposed to having any. So I did have coffee in the morning with heavy cream, because in two years that I have tried to drink black coffee, I still hate black coffee. It's a mental thing with me. And I just feel like, you know what, I've had a rough two months. I'm having the coffee the way I want it. I want to enjoy it. So I had it with heavy cream and some brown sugar. So that was my first step back, was the sugar. I know that. [00:06:31] Speaker B: But anyway, do you always have brown sugar in your coffee? Or is it usually just heavy cream and coffee? [00:06:37] Speaker C: No, if I have it my way. Oh, it's definitely sugar. [00:06:41] Speaker B: How often are you having it? [00:06:43] Speaker C: Everything is sugar and carbs, right? [00:06:45] Speaker B: I know. How often are you having that? [00:06:49] Speaker C: Well, these last few weeks I've been off track, so I've been having okay. [00:06:53] Speaker B: So it's been more okay, so what else happened? [00:06:55] Speaker C: And then I didn't eat all day and I was fine. I wasn't even hungry all day because I could go all day. Part of the reason I started intermittent fasting because I was so disgusted with food, I had had it. I had decision fatigue, total food burnout. I just couldn't handle anymore what to eat, what not to eat, what to weigh, how many. I just was having a meltdown and I went to my PCP for my annual and she said to me, you know, you should try intermittent fasting. And I said, really? What's that? And then she said, Read Jason fung, the obesity. So I said, okay, I'm in. So I was happy just not to be able just to not eat. I was happy with that. But anyway, so this last week I did that, I had my coffee, I was fine. I was happy mentally because I had coffee and that's really all I needed. I didn't eat all day, so I went to eat around 06:00, and I wasn't that hungry, so I had shrimp oreganata, but I had bread, which again, I shouldn't have had the bread. But then came the point of resistance, was the restaurant I'm at has like the best caramel salt gelato. Yeah, it's like a comfort thing. And I was with my sister when we were talking about my mom, and I'm like, I'm having the gelato, right? Yeah, I'm having it. And I did have it. Now, again, yesterday, I didn't eat all day. I had the coffee, but I didn't eat all day. And I came home and I had some more comfort food, rice and beans left over with some salmon and some corn and some stuff, and I was fine. But I had to have a piece of chocolate at the end. And that's my problem, is especially after I eat, even if I have a meal that is good and is satisfying, I always feel like I need that little hit of something sweet. [00:08:53] Speaker B: Yeah. So what did you feel when you were talking about your mom before the gelato? [00:09:00] Speaker C: Oh, I've been upset my mom. [00:09:02] Speaker B: Were you sad? Were you worried? Were you missing? What do you think you were feeling? [00:09:10] Speaker C: I think stressed and a sense of loss and void because we had just finished her apartment and had handed in the keys. Sort of like, that's it, there is no more going to my mother's. That's it. That chapter is ended and it's a lost feeling. So I guess part of that was to comfort myself and fill that void with something that was comforting, and I guess that was the gelato. [00:09:43] Speaker B: Yeah. Tell me about the chocolate. Last night, you didn't eat, and then you had dinner, but you had to have a couple of pieces of chocolate afterwards. [00:09:52] Speaker C: Yes. Super. [00:09:53] Speaker B: Comfort. You describe it as comfort, right? [00:09:55] Speaker C: I describe it as comfort. [00:09:58] Speaker B: What did you need comforted from? Yesterday? [00:10:01] Speaker C: I had been to the cemetery. I have been to the cemetery, actually. I went to the cemetery to ask a question about the headstone, and it was like they had a whole basket of chocolates in sales office. I was like, My God, you guys are brilliant. [00:10:21] Speaker B: I know how to make people happy. [00:10:24] Speaker C: I'm like, right? My mother wants me to have chocolate. Look, she put it right here in front of me. This is a sign from God. [00:10:30] Speaker B: I should have the chocolate. Yeah. [00:10:32] Speaker C: Sorry. So, of course, now, I had not eaten all day, basically, so I grabbed the two chocolates. But I know, no, I should not have chocolate now because my sugar might just I really haven't eaten all day, and I know that ideally, you should not open your window, if you will, after hours with sugar and have my sugar levels go crazy. So I'm like, But I had to take it and put it in my bag. So when I came home, I knew I had chocolate. I mean, I don't buy chocolate because of that, but I knew that I had chocolate in my bag, so I was like, oh, good. After I finish eating, I can have the chocolate now. [00:11:11] Speaker B: Sure. And was it just the two pieces of chocolate, or was there more food? That was all you had? No, you ate real food, but it's not like you went on a bender and ate a bunch of things after that. [00:11:22] Speaker C: No. [00:11:23] Speaker B: Okay, so what were you stressed about going to? It sounds like whenever you miss your mom, you feel stressed, and that makes you want to eat. [00:11:39] Speaker C: Yeah, but even before my mom, I would do that. [00:11:47] Speaker B: The pattern that I'm hearing from you is when you're feeling stressed, your brain offers you that this is a way to remedy the stress. You eat the gelato, your result is the stress isn't remedied. Whatever. Mom is still gone. Right? You still miss mom, right? That's still there. That hasn't changed. All that you've reinforced is that when you feel stressed, you want to eat. Yeah. [00:12:17] Speaker C: Or it'll be Chinese food, which is even worse. And I'll say it, too. I used to work with one of my bosses. She was Chinese. She is Chinese. And if she knew I was having a bad day, the next day, she'd say to me, did you have pork fried rice? Did you have dumplings? And I'm like, this is sick. People know by my mood what I'm going to eat. I'm having pork fried rice, and I'm having dumplings. That was, like, my statement of defiance that I'm going to eat now what I want I know, or I think this is my interpretation is that because I grew up eating, of course, a Hispanic diet, my comfort food is the carbs. My comfort food is rice and beans. My comfort food is fried plantains. My comfort food is that. And so like the other day, I did have rice and beans. And again, it's a connection to my mom. It's a connection to my past. It's a connection to what makes me feel like everything's okay, you're having rice and beans, everything is cool. So unfortunately for me, I think that ethnically and the way I've grown up puts me right into the category of the least desirable foods for the outcomes that I want to reach in terms of controlling diabetes or sugar levels. [00:13:45] Speaker B: So when you have that thought, my ethnicity essentially leads me to be in the worst category I can be. Is that kind of the nuts and bolts of how you feel about that or what you think about it? [00:14:01] Speaker C: Yeah. Yes, I do. I know it a couple of ways. I'm also a medical interpreter in Spanish, in healthcare. So when I go and do medical interpretations, I recognize in the patients me, because they say to me, I don't eat candy. I don't eat this. And then I'll say to the patient, how much rice and beans are you eating? How many plantains? What are the carbs? I'm going down the thing. So yeah, I feel that I am in psych deficiency. Even though intellectually I understand it, I can rationalize it and I see the medical significance of what's happening. I guess when I get stressed, I just resort right back to my roots. [00:14:46] Speaker B: Yeah, but when you have that, my ethnicity leaves me in this deficient space. How does that feel? Like if it's Tuesday, had to go by the cemetery, missing mom, wish she was here. Just turned in our key. It's really over. This is happening and you're feeling sad and you're having to kind of deal with this and the stress kind of comes up because you'd really rather not deal with it. I'm sure there's 100 other things, watch a movie, whatever, to avoid it. And you feel the stress of that and your brain is like, yeah, of course I want all the good stuff because my ethnicity means that I'm going to want all the comfort food that's high in carbs. How do you feel when you think that? [00:15:33] Speaker C: I feel a little defeated. I feel a little defeated and I don't know, I guess defeated would be the best word. [00:15:47] Speaker B: It sounds like it. [00:15:49] Speaker C: I feel like I'm almost at an unavoidable disadvantage. [00:15:53] Speaker B: Yes. [00:15:54] Speaker C: Which I shouldn't feel that way because I have the intellectual knowledge to I'm going to offer. [00:15:59] Speaker B: So recognize whenever you're feeling that stress and your brain has the thought on even if it's a really low level thing like ethnically, to make myself feel better ethnically. I was raised on these feel good foods that are making me sick from that place of defeated or even maybe a low level, like, I don't have control here. There's something bigger than me controlling this. You're going to always turn to that food, always. And you're going to give yourself the result that I can't manage stress without this food. And in your brain, it's like, yeah, ethnically, we can't do it. So what I want to offer to you ethnic Germans are raised on potatoes and noodles. Right. Ethnically American people are raised on the standard American diet, which is all the bad things we can get our hands on. Everybody. What if it has nothing to do with your ethnicity and what you were raised on? [00:17:00] Speaker C: Yeah, well, okay. [00:17:03] Speaker B: Do you believe that? Are you like, no, you don't get it, and I don't get it because clearly I'm not Latina. Right. Like, I was not raised that way. But is that where your brain goes? Like, no, you don't get it? [00:17:15] Speaker C: No, it's not that you don't get it. It's that how do you change it? [00:17:22] Speaker B: I guess. Yeah. [00:17:24] Speaker C: You have to change that mindset. [00:17:26] Speaker B: Yes. What if part of the change of your mindset is your brain being like, everybody this has nothing to do with my ethnicity. This has to do with being a human being. [00:17:39] Speaker C: That's true. [00:17:40] Speaker B: I could see that because is there less defeatedness there? [00:17:44] Speaker C: Yeah, there is, because if I think about Americans, americans are every ethnicity. [00:17:49] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. And we're sick, sick, sick. [00:17:53] Speaker C: Right, I know. [00:17:55] Speaker B: Yeah. People are like, but no, genetically, we do see higher rates of diabetes and Hispanic and Asians, and we see higher rates. Yeah. There may be some different genes playing a role that create that fine. But clearly we don't have a world where Asians and Hispanics are still running around because they were like I mean, if they were genetically meant to die an early death from this disease, they would not have been here when we're dominating the planet as a species. Right, true. Right. And just finding, like, okay, maybe there is some truth to what I'm saying, but also there's a lot of agency that I have here. Does that feel real to you when we talk about it? [00:18:48] Speaker C: Does the way you explain it yes, it does. [00:18:51] Speaker B: Yeah. So curiously, what is the next thing that you need to do for your mom and her arrangements? Is everything done? No more meetings at the funeral home or no more meetings, I guess, at the cemetery? [00:19:10] Speaker C: Yeah, everything is I go to the cemetery because I feel better when I go and it's close to my house, but everything is completely actually, this is the first weekend in a year and a half that I didn't have to go take care of my mom and do anything. [00:19:30] Speaker B: Wow. [00:19:30] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:19:31] Speaker B: Okay. Holidays are coming. [00:19:35] Speaker C: I know the holidays are coming. [00:19:36] Speaker B: I want you to get your head back to that space where you're missing your mom. I want you to let your brain go there. You're going to miss her, and the stress is going to come. Getting your body into that stress space because it's so much fun. I've got such good ideas. Let's go to that stress space. But feeling that stress in your body when you have the thought that all the humans want to handle this feeling with comfort food versus this is something my ethnicity leads me to want this comfort food. When you think all the humans want the comfort food, how does that feel for you? Does it feel less defeated or is it still like no, it does. [00:20:25] Speaker C: I feel a sense of inclusion then. Yeah. With the ethnicity, I'm sort of outside the circle with everybody feeling that way, then I'm in the circle. It's still difficult, but we're all together now. [00:20:39] Speaker B: Yeah. So I think that is probably, like, part of your jumping off spot. Right. The other thing I love to ask people when they've lost somebody that they clearly love deeply and they are, like, wanting to bury the emotion with any food. Halloween is coming, so Halloween bags of candy are going to be a frequent player in this. [00:21:06] Speaker C: That's my birthday. Halloween. [00:21:08] Speaker B: Oh, it's the best. I love that's, your birthday. [00:21:11] Speaker C: I know, me too. Because everyone gets to get dressed up. You don't have to buy gifts, you don't have to cook, and you get to be creative. [00:21:18] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh, it sounds amazing. I love it. Well, when we're feeling this heavy feeling, whether it be sadness or missing or wanting or whatever it is, and we want to resist that feeling, my question so we turn to the candy because we're like, I'm sure if I eat enough of this candy, I won't feel that way. I'll feel happy. Right. And then my question is, like, why are we looking for happiness when we're thinking about this thing that sincerely and authentically makes us feel sad? Why is that something? Why is that yeah. What do you think about what is it that causes the stress about that feeling of sadness with your mother? [00:22:05] Speaker C: Well, I will I mean, the finality of it and the fact that there's just this void feeling of not knowing. I'm 65 almost. I've always had my mother. I don't know what life looks like without my mother. I'm starting to learn what that looks like. So it's a scary, empty feeling. [00:22:28] Speaker B: It's unknown. And the one that you had to guide you before is not there anymore. [00:22:32] Speaker C: Exactly. She's the one I would go to to help. [00:22:38] Speaker B: And so is there anything that you can think of in your current power that's going to change that feeling? [00:22:50] Speaker C: I think my faith and the fact that my mom, believe it or not, was a very disciplined person. And she had diabetes. She was controlled, but if she had a chocolate, she could take one piece of chocolate and cut it into four pieces and have one piece every day, because she knew she had to watch her sugars. So she was a very disciplined person. She was all about health and about always trying to help yourself. I'm kind of trying to gather strength from her example, her living example. She's the first one that would say, you have to take care of yourself. You have to help yourself. Because that's how she lived to be 98, right? [00:23:39] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:23:40] Speaker C: Discipline. I think that perhaps focusing on that as a pillar of strength even though she's not here, but the legacy she leaves of what she taught by example, of how she led her life, about how she was, about food, didn't eat in excess, she didn't go to the gym to excess. She always walked right up to always walked, always took care of herself. So I'm hoping that my sister and I spoke about that, and I said, we got to take care of ourselves now because Mommy's not here. And she would want us to kind of dig our heels in and live the best life of the time we have left, as she did. So I think maybe focusing on that as an anchor, if you will sure. [00:24:32] Speaker B: But do you ever think that you're going to be happy that your mom's not there? [00:24:36] Speaker C: No. [00:24:37] Speaker B: Do you ever think you're going to even be content? I guess it's not that bad that Mom's not here. Are you going to be neutral about it? [00:24:46] Speaker C: I don't think so. [00:24:48] Speaker B: Is that a problem? [00:24:49] Speaker C: Yeah. I think some losses in life you never get over. I think you learn how to deal with it differently on different days, and you develop coping skills where you learn to hide it better on some days than others. But I think it's too big a loss. I think some losses are just I don't believe that time heals everything. I don't believe that. But I believe we go on, and I believe we learn with it. [00:25:14] Speaker B: Yeah. And I'm in the same boat. I haven't lost my mother, but I lost my grandmother, and it was huge, and it was 22 years ago, and there was a decade where I got very heavy and sad every time I thought of that loss. But it felt so authentic. Why are we fighting that? I'm really sad she's gone, and I don't think I have to be happy that she's gone. I can be sad over time. I definitely morphed into she was too much fun to not smile whenever you think about her, so I definitely morphed, but I had to have and it was it was a decade where I was heavy and sad whenever I thought of her, and then it changed. But my point is that we want to not be, like, in our brain somehow. We offer ourselves, like, I don't want to be sad about it. And I'm like, what do you want to be about? [00:26:09] Speaker C: It. [00:26:09] Speaker B: I think you do want to be sad about it. [00:26:11] Speaker C: Right. [00:26:12] Speaker B: And since we want to be sad about it, we don't have to have the stress of trying to fight the sadness. And if we're not doing that, suddenly we don't need to throw the gelato or the chocolate on it. [00:26:22] Speaker C: Right, that's true. [00:26:28] Speaker B: I think that that's always at the heart of when we're like I guess that's the heart of any of our feelings is like, is this really a feeling I want to have? Because if it is something I want to have, there's no amount of gelato I'm going to throw on it that's going to make it go away. [00:26:45] Speaker C: Yeah. After the gelato, you still have the same feel. [00:26:48] Speaker B: Yeah. You still miss her away. Right. And now you have to deal with the outcome of the gelato. Right, right. Yeah. So definitely part is this idea that and there is probably a connection to your heritage and your ethnicity and your family and what you guys as a family do, which involves plantains, and it involves rice and beans. It involves all these foods that are higher in carb. And there might be a connection there that makes you feel more connected to your people. And there might be some benefit in finding other ways to connect to your sister, to your family, to bring that back that doesn't involve food that makes you sick, but definitely letting go of, like, it's not just us. Any humans that would eat this food to manage their comfort is going to get diabetes. Also, any humans who eat pizza to do it are going to get diabetes. Any humans that eat ice cream and chocolate are going to get diabetes. And the reason that that is, of course, is because we release a huge surge of dopamine, and we feel a little bit better for a brief moment after eating those foods, right? [00:27:56] Speaker C: Absolutely. [00:27:57] Speaker B: Yeah. So I think, again, the stress deciding, why am I stressed? I always see stressed as a friction. There's a two way thing that's happening here. One way, you have something pushing you this way, and either an expectation or a desire for a different way. And so there's this back and forth oscillation of yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no. And it creates that stressful feeling. So when that stress comes up, I would get really curious about what do I actually want here? Right. And if I want to feel sad, is that okay? Do I have space to feel sad in the way I want to? That looks like crying. Maybe not, but maybe I can carve out an hour this evening to do that. Right. Managing that emotion by actually managing the emotion versus eating them. Right. But then seeing this also this belief of it's harder for me because we like this food. It's harder for all the humans because all the humans like the foods that make them sick. Yes. Right. [00:29:00] Speaker C: You're so right. Yeah. It's everybody. It's not just me. [00:29:04] Speaker B: Yeah. I love that I can just see the lightness in your face as you realize that you're like, yeah. [00:29:12] Speaker C: I love that. All in a bad situation. I feel so much better to know we're all in a bad situation. Yes, we all are. [00:29:19] Speaker B: And it really is. It's like the food environment. Absolutely. It is a bad situation, and it's because the food environment is what it is. All right. Anything else you want to coach on, or is that helpful? Sometimes it's nice to have it all, to kind of let it simmer a little bit. [00:29:33] Speaker C: That is helpful. My other biggest struggle, which even before my mom passed, I realized, is that, as I mentioned earlier, I'm just so disgusted with food. And for the past year and a half, I haven't even cooked, basically. So I ordered these factor meals now. [00:29:52] Speaker B: Yeah. I've never had them, but I've had people tell me about them. [00:29:56] Speaker C: They were very good, actually, a smaller portion. So maybe you don't feel as full, which is okay, but maybe you could put, like, well, I put rice the other day. Shouldn't have, but I did. I added rice to it. But, like, if you had a salad with it or something. I mean, sometimes I'm just not in the headspace. I come home that I want to. [00:30:14] Speaker B: Cook. [00:30:16] Speaker C: So I don't want to cook, which is a problem. But when I get into a better headspace, which I'm sure will be soon, in terms of getting myself into a routine, I don't consider it cooking, but I can certainly broil a piece of fish and have a vegetable, things like that. So, again, when I think about food, that stresses me out. That's why I bought the factor meals. [00:30:44] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:30:44] Speaker C: Why? Because it becomes a mind bang, the. [00:30:48] Speaker B: Food. [00:30:52] Speaker C: I'm always reading up on. I read fast feast repeat. I listened to the whole obesity code. And so there's always this decision fatigue. What do I eat? So now when I eat, like, let's say I was having this Factor meal that had, like, rice and cheese, and I'm like I'm looking at it, and what do I think? Hyperlipidemia. Because now I know. And the thing is that the medical field keeps changing their spiel, right? [00:31:24] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:31:25] Speaker C: Eggs used to be horrible. Now great. [00:31:28] Speaker B: Yes. [00:31:29] Speaker C: Great. Antioxidants. Coffee. Coffee could kill you now. Good for Alzheimer's. So the doctor that I work with, I go, you guys just change your mind every that's why we don't know what to eat. So I do have high cholesterol. Always had high cholesterol. My mother had high cholesterol, too, and I really didn't don't even eat enough to justify the cholesterol, but it's probably. [00:31:53] Speaker B: The insulin resistance driving the cholesterol up. [00:31:57] Speaker C: Okay. So I feel like I'm insulin resistant now. I need to lose a good I want to say 40 pounds. I say 40 pounds. [00:32:07] Speaker B: Okay. [00:32:10] Speaker C: And I've gotten very discouraged. With the and I know that the fasting is a tool. It does not guarantee weight loss for everyone. [00:32:21] Speaker B: Right. But let's talk about why is the rice an option? Because the decision fatigue comes from believing that the rice is like, maybe it's okay here. I don't know. Maybe it's not okay here, but I think maybe I need it here, but I don't know. But the eggs are bad, but the rice isn't. The decision fatigue comes from believing that the rice is okay. [00:32:44] Speaker C: Well, it's from knowing that the rice is not okay. [00:32:49] Speaker B: But you believe that on some level, it must be because it keeps showing up. [00:32:54] Speaker C: Well, just because I want it, not because right. Because I think it's good. [00:33:00] Speaker B: Yes. So then it comes down to how often is it okay for you to eat foods that you want and you know aren't good for you? [00:33:13] Speaker C: How often? [00:33:15] Speaker B: Yeah. What do you think? [00:33:19] Speaker C: That's a very good question. [00:33:22] Speaker B: Yeah. That's the kind of ruler you're going to need to set for yourself. Decision fatigue happens because you keep making the decision over and over again. [00:33:33] Speaker C: Oh, that's a good point. Yeah. [00:33:34] Speaker B: It's exhausting with the same thing. Yeah. Bicep fatigue happens because we do bicep curls over and over and over again. Right, right. Decision fatigue happens because we keep making the decision over and over and over again. Okay. So deciding making and this is where I teach planning our food to be such a powerful tool. Many people, and I included, was like, no, a plan is merely like a kennel that keeps me trapped. It was so like, oh, I didn't have decision. I had already made this plan. I didn't have any choices. It's so baloney. I don't even want it. I mean, my brain had all the pity party about making a plan. Making a plan is so powerful because it's made from the part of your brain that weighs the pros and the cons of what you're going to eat against what you want to create. Weight loss, normal insulin functioning. Okay. It weighs the pros and the cons. If I have the rice, it's going to work against this. So I'm not going to put rice on the plan. And in the moment, you're not actually considering eating it because it's scheduled for tomorrow or the day after. Right. It's very fact based. It's very just data based. It's not, like, emotional based. And then when it gets time to execute the plan, our emotions get all up in there being like, no, you got to listen to me. This is not a good idea, and it tries to talk us into it. And if you're going from the I made a plan, I've already made the decision, and I'm living that out. There is no problem. Like, you don't get decision fatigue. It's when you're like, oh, maybe I should do it, but no, it wasn't on the plan, but I really want it. It's not on the plan, but I'm so hungry. But we didn't put it on the plan. It's this constant back and forth that is exhausting. [00:35:29] Speaker C: That makes perfect sense because about six years ago, I did food prep for the week and there was no thinking about it because it was so easy. Yeah, I mean, I was eating all day, basically, but I would like, okay, I'm having Greek yogurt with half a cup of blueberries and one tablespoon of chopped nuts. And that was my snack. So there was no gelato because that was it. It was packed. It was in my bag. I was eating that. So I can see where that is. But yeah, that's why I got the factor, though, because I don't want to meal plan. Maybe I can meal around my factor. Meal. [00:36:08] Speaker B: Well, yeah, even if you meal plan. But that's where the whole like, I mean, I eat food that I like. I like the food that I eat. But I do have ice cream. Occasionally my daughter and I will go out for ice cream together or Christmas is coming and I will have all the things at Christmas. And my birthday is coming in December. I mean, December is just I know January is a lot of fasting and a lot of food chatter in my brain because December is a lot of things that I just don't usually eat. [00:36:35] Speaker C: Right. [00:36:38] Speaker B: I do those things, but I very clearly know in my brain, it's like I don't want real sugar in my body except for in these time frames, I don't want to do that. And so the rest of the time it's like it's just not an option. [00:36:55] Speaker C: Right. [00:36:56] Speaker B: You're going to have to set that for you. What is it like how I want to have food? My birthday cake is never about being healthy like that's. [00:37:03] Speaker C: Period. [00:37:04] Speaker B: End of sentence. I'm not going to be a healthier soul because of my birthday cake, period. End of sentence. I'm clearly having a piece of food and it has nothing to do with my health. Right? [00:37:13] Speaker C: Right. [00:37:14] Speaker B: How frequently do I want to have that? Yeah. How frequently do I want to do it? [00:37:19] Speaker C: Yeah, that makes sense. [00:37:21] Speaker B: That's the question you need to answer for yourself. [00:37:24] Speaker C: How often? Yeah, because here's the thing. A few months ago, I said, you know what, I should just avoid all carbs, right? I should just bite the bullet. Do it, that's it. And I lost like five pounds. But shortly thereafter, after about a week, I went on a complete binge. [00:37:47] Speaker B: Yeah, I ate an entire cheesecake alone. [00:37:51] Speaker C: I just went like, I had English muffins. I had anything that was carb I was eating. So I'm like, okay, this is not good because now I got crazy. I mean, I ate more carbs than I would have normally eaten if I would have had maybe one English muffin for the week to have an English muffin. But now I went like, I just ate nonstop. So that's where also I'm like the. [00:38:19] Speaker B: Difference when you weren't doing it is you had made a clear decision, and somewhere you changed the decision. Right. And it's all that happened, and we don't see it that way. We don't hang it on that structure. [00:38:35] Speaker C: That way. [00:38:35] Speaker B: We're just like I don't know why I'm wanting it so badly. I always remind my clients, if there was a million dollars on the table for you not to eat it, would you eat it? Almost everybody is like, hands down, no, right. It would be so easy, I wouldn't even think about it. Yes. You need to get to that space where you're not considering I have made the decision that I will have rice with a meal on these times only. This is not part of that time. I'm not even thinking about it. [00:39:08] Speaker C: That's a great point, because that's exactly what happened. My decision changed. I decided now I was going to have the carbs, but I didn't look at it way I looked at it as this it's a bunch of bullshit. [00:39:20] Speaker B: I went all that time without it, and now I'm going in, I'm doing it. Yeah. [00:39:26] Speaker C: I felt like I was possessed. I'm like, yeah, curiously. [00:39:30] Speaker B: Why did you cut all the carbs? [00:39:33] Speaker C: Why? Because I want to lose weight. Because I know that the carbs are going to drive up my insulin. I feel I'm insulin resistant. So I felt all right. You know what? You have to accept this. This is where you're at in your life right now. You cannot have carbs, period. You just can't. [00:39:58] Speaker B: Yeah. Why don't you want to live for the rest of your life without carbs? What was the problem when you were like, you did it for a week, lost some weight, and then you stopped doing it? What was happening that made you want to do something different? Why was it a problem? Just keep doing it. What you were doing? [00:40:16] Speaker C: I think because to some degree, food is entertainment and or enjoyment, and you. [00:40:24] Speaker B: Weren'T getting those things. [00:40:28] Speaker C: I can have a piece of fish and broccoli, but I'm not satisfied, you know? [00:40:33] Speaker B: Yes. [00:40:33] Speaker C: Not that I deserve that. I deserved some enjoyment. And so the English muffins were enjoyment. Like, why do I why am I deprived? How come everyone else is eating that? How come I can't eat it? But then I try and rationalize it by say, well, but now you are in your sixty s now, and then life starts looking really depressing and I'm never going to enjoy anything again. [00:41:02] Speaker B: Yes. So that is going to be part of your decision. A lot of times we feel either like, I want this goal and I can't seem to achieve it. I'm going to go all in and I'm going to do something drastic. I'm always like, you know, guys, we can lose 1020 pounds by severing off our left leg, but we don't want to live that way forever, so let's not do that. Right, so we make these big, drastic commitments, and then what we realize is that we don't really want to live our life for the rest of our life that way. And then of course, we're like, well, that isn't working either, so we pendulum swing the other way, figuring out what it is. Sometimes it's fear that drives women to make those really drastic decisions, but a lot of times it's just a lack of belief. I can't figure out any other way, so I guess I'm just going to do this thing. Figuring out whether you really want to do that thing is a very powerful part of that process because we are grown ass women and we are not going to do shit that we don't want to do for the rest of our life. Period. End of sentence. [00:42:15] Speaker C: Right. [00:42:16] Speaker B: And so that's what sounds like what happened there. [00:42:20] Speaker C: Yeah. My Latin temper got the best of me, I think. [00:42:24] Speaker B: Yeah. I think a really helpful strategy for you is going to be to figure out how frequently you actually want that food in your life. [00:42:35] Speaker C: I think that makes sense because then I would feel that I have some control instead of everything else controlling me. [00:42:44] Speaker B: Yes. That is so much of it. [00:42:46] Speaker C: Yeah. And I think that's where to your point where I became a rebel, then no one's going to tell me I can't eat, but I can eat whatever I want. [00:42:58] Speaker B: I'm a grown woman. [00:42:59] Speaker C: Exactly. But I'm the one that made the rule. And then I'm like, what do you mean I can't eat carbs? Meanwhile, I'm the one that said I wasn't going to eat it. So that does make sense about me being able to make that decision, so that I'm in control and planning and. [00:43:18] Speaker B: The recognition, like, I am going to want them, but it's just not time. [00:43:22] Speaker C: To have them kind of, like, fasting, yes, I'm going to eat, but it's not time now. [00:43:27] Speaker B: Yes, of course I want you don't argue when you get hungry and you're fasting, you're not like, no, I'm not going to be hungry. No. You're like? Of course I'm hungry. I haven't eaten 15 hours. [00:43:40] Speaker C: Right. You accept that that's going to be part of and then it just passes and then you're like, yeah, I know it's okay because I'm going to eat, like, at six. It's going to be okay. Question before I forget. [00:43:50] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:43:50] Speaker C: Do you have any tips at all for drinking black coffee? [00:43:57] Speaker B: I did it using heavy cream and I didn't have any qualms about heavy cream. I mean, I certainly normalized my numbers and lost the weight that I wanted to lose just eating heavy cream and. [00:44:06] Speaker C: Black coffee, but no sugar. [00:44:08] Speaker B: I didn't use any sugar and only two teaspoons or two tablespoons of the heavy cream. [00:44:13] Speaker C: Two tablespoons of heavy cream I could try. [00:44:16] Speaker B: And then over time, I just weaned it down and then I just got really lazy. [00:44:22] Speaker C: Buy cream anymore. [00:44:24] Speaker B: I did. So I drink my coffee black now. I very rarely, maybe a couple of times a year, have some cream in it. I still do enjoy the cream in it. I'm too lazy to have it all put together and do that. So sometimes lazy works in my favor. The heavy cream is not a problem. Two tablespoons of the heavy cream is not a problem. I agree that there is this clean fasting, and I don't disagree that there's some benefits to that. Some people even say that any coffee is not part of a fast. And I'm like, well, you and I aren't going to see eye to eye because I'm not letting go of my coffee. [00:44:57] Speaker C: Now, I've read that also that then your liver will dump glycogen. [00:45:03] Speaker B: I heard that, yeah. Your body, instead of getting the break of the fast, it has to manage and process the caffeine and the coffee. I'm willing to accept that. I always try to empower my clients. Like, you're in charge of your health. You get to decide what's healthy for you. If you can't do nutritional ketosis, then awesome, you don't have to do it. If you can't do intermittent fasting or long fasts, like 40, 48 hours fasts, that's fine too. You get to decide what's healthy for you. For me, I'm always like, I don't do cold plunges. I don't do that cold therapy. If I die early, it's going to be because it's a solid, no, thank you. I'm not doing the cold therapy, and I'm totally okay accepting that. Right. So it's kind of the same thing. Like if coffee is going to do me in from my two cups in the morning, then I'm willing to accept that. I'm willing to accept that. But you and I both know that's not what we see in the hospital. [00:46:00] Speaker C: Absolutely, yeah. And again, you read all this stuff or whatever, but I had more than two tablespoons, so I will curtail that. However, when I did have the coffee in the morning, my way, I was fine all day. Whereas when I've had black coffee with nothing in it, even though I'm fasting and it's not it's not a dire hunger. Again, I think it's the thing that I was not satisfied in the morning by having my routine. [00:46:34] Speaker B: When you have the coffee with the sugar in it, you have the joy of the sugar. [00:46:39] Speaker C: Right. [00:46:40] Speaker B: And when you don't, your brain is like, we're not having the joy of the sugar. [00:46:44] Speaker C: Right. But I think I can do the because I also like the creaminess. If I heavy cream, I think that that'll be good because then I was fine all day. It's not like I'm hungry. It's not like I'm thinking about food and also my job. Now I'm out on the road most of the day, so it's not convenient for me to eat. Yeah, works for my lifestyle right now because I'm meeting with doctors all day long, and I'm going to different offices, and I'm meeting with the Chiefs, so I don't really have time to eat. So I think that that works for my work right now, my lifestyle right now. [00:47:22] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:47:22] Speaker C: So maybe if I could do that and I can think about plan out to some extent, even with my factor meals, not add the rice or say, I'm going to add the rice. [00:47:32] Speaker B: Only on only on this day. Yeah. Yes. And only this much. Get real clear on that. Your brain will, as any good child does, really start making strong cases for why you need it. [00:47:46] Speaker C: I love when you say that in the podcast. Sometimes even, because I can hear you saying, let's face it, we all know it's that yeah. [00:47:54] Speaker B: It's the inner child. It's our inner toddler with a marker trying to wreak havoc everywhere. Like, I know you want it. Yes. And it's okay. You're going to get glad, my grandmother. You're going to get glad in the same pants you got mad in. It's going to be all right. Oh, my God. [00:48:09] Speaker C: I like that. [00:48:10] Speaker B: I do, too. [00:48:12] Speaker C: That's a funny way to look at it. [00:48:14] Speaker B: Yeah. You just got to let it pass. [00:48:17] Speaker C: You got to let it pass, like, the fasting. If you're hungry. [00:48:21] Speaker B: Yeah. You're already doing this, by the way. I see that your brain is offering you reasons as to why it's not. That doesn't count. What I want is rice. You're already dealing with things that you want every day, and you're not complying with the request. You're like, yeah, I get it, but we're not doing that. You're already practicing that every day. [00:48:46] Speaker C: Yeah. And what I'm trying to get back into is exercise and running. I used to run, like, 2 miles a day. It was rage running when I was going through my divorce. The only good thing that came out of that divorce is that I was very depressed at the time. And I read that exercise is a way of dealing with stress and releases endorphins. And I was like, I was on survival mode. Like, I'm going to fight, and whatever it takes for me to fight this fight, I'm doing it. And so I started running, and I started working out, and I got into the best shape, and I felt good. So, again, now that everything's through with my mom and I have time in the morning, I have a gym in my building. Yeah, I can do that. I think that in retrospect, as I look back, of course, the things that have helped me, that's one of the things that has helped me. And I think to some degree, it might help with the stress of the food and everything else, because I'll be a little more like, okay. And also because I feel like in the morning, I always do it only in the morning when I work out because I feel like I've done something good for me, and I've started the day off on the right foot so I'll be less tempted to get off course because I'm like, no, you had a great workout. You want to just kind of hold on to that. So that's my other thing that I'm. [00:50:12] Speaker B: Going to, and I think that you'd get a lot of benefit from that. I really do. All right, anything else? Any other questions before we sign off? I'm so appreciative of you. I think that so many women deal with the exact same thing that you're dealing with. [00:50:29] Speaker C: No, this has been great. I really appreciate it. I love your podcast. I think you just make a lot of sense. I resonated with you the minute I first heard you, and I'm like, oh, she's in healthcare. She loves shoes. She likes chocolate cake. That's my kind of lady. I'm going to follow her. [00:50:46] Speaker B: I love it. [00:50:48] Speaker C: She's got the path to happiness here. She's talking my know. I mean, the funny thing is that you're in Kansas and I'm in New York City. [00:50:57] Speaker B: Well, you know, I grew up in I. We moved when I was a kid from Chicago to a there's an Edginess to my Midwestern niceness, you know know? [00:51:11] Speaker C: Oh, my God, it's so true. And you know why? Because clearly I'm from there's. No, clearly I'm a New Yorker. But I said, you know what? There's something about her. Like, she cuts to the chase. She doesn't sugarcoat it. And that's a very New York thing. And I'm like, wow, but she's in like, I've never been do that. I said, people outside of New York are so polite, and so you notice it right away. I mean, you go to Jersey, people are nice, and you're like, what's that know when you're from so I'm like, but I noticed that I connected with you, but I noticed that also about you that you didn't sugarcoat. And then I thought to myself, probably because she's in the medical field, and they just give you, like they just got to give you the facts. This is the treatment plan. This is the differential diagnosis. But now it makes sense that you came really from a big city. [00:52:01] Speaker B: Yeah, it's a big city thing. Yes. [00:52:03] Speaker C: You don't have time to be too nice, but you are. [00:52:06] Speaker B: Oh, well, I try some days. I don't know talk to my kids. But I really appreciate you being on. I'm going to stop the recording. I'll be back next week. [00:52:14] Speaker A: I hope you found this coaching call helpful. If there is any question that you have about anything that we discussed in this call, please make sure you reach out to me, Delaine at Delaneynemd. See you next week. Bye.